F3: The Future’s Bright – The Future’s Trivial

For some reason, my desire to write on a Friday evening is limited. I should write these things on Thursday. But is that cheating?

So here’s my first piece of 2008: enjoy.


The Future’s Bright – The Future’s Trivial

:: Initiate.

Ma’am? Excuse, me, ma’am? But could I indulge your attention for just a few brief moments?

No, no, I shan’t distract you for too long – and I shan’t force anything upon you! But perhaps I might interest you in some of our more recent products…?

Excellent! So, here, for example, we have the latest in body water monitors, the Lush HydrAid Deluxe. This high-quality tool is simply applied to the forearm – yes, like so – and, after a few moments, it will return this detailed and simple report on your level of hydration, as well as any impurities and toxins to be found in your bloodstream or muscle tissue. If you look at the bottom, just there, you’ll see the HydrAid’s recommendations in water consumption – ideal for ensuring that pores don’t become blocked, and we all know how problematic that can be. These tools have fast become vital in ensuring that problem pores never develop – I’m sure you agree that it’s much easier to prevent the problem occurring than to try to solve it afterwards!

No, no, there’s no need to make a decision just now. Yes, it is very affordable. But before you leap to any decisions, I have something else to show you.

Now this, here, is an old favourite restyled for today’s more aesthetic-conscious generation. It’s a static current generator – can you believe it?

I know, it barely resembles the models of yesteryear at all. But it’s not merely fashionable – if you just clip this on, like so – that’s right – now, look at the screen here. The onboard processor does its best to sound out the dimensions of your hair and to identify a category for your chosen style, and if any adjustments are necessary you can make them here. Yes, that’s it. Now, activate it and – there you are. Can you feel that?

No, I couldn’t either! It’s below the limits of human sensory perception – aside from the clip, no one can tell it’s running. The clip comes in various colours, of course. But more importantly, try out your new bounce – and note how your style is impeccably restored even after the most vigorous movement.

Ah! Actually, we have a special on these at the moment – discounted to €29.95 alongside a spare battery cell and a wallet for the screen.

Certainly – I’ll have one put aside for you. I’ll have the warehouse fetch one in your colour.

Now, what about this? This is a treatment of +Nanite melanin implants designed to allow customisation of skin tone. No longer will you have to worry about matching your outfit to your skin – now it can work both ways.

Not for you? That’s fine, fine.

Ahh, of course, yes. My wife feels much the same way about that. Perhaps, instead, this would interest you: the latest from uHaze, this one is a blister pack of miniature projectors used to conceal blemishes. It’s a more natural solution to a similar issue – best of all, they are biodegradable, and will dissolve harmlessly once one of the deHaze pills – enclosed, of course – are taken. They operate using multiple projections layered between the outer layers of the epidermis – that’s designer-speak for skin – which gradually grade out the blemish in question, rendering it the same tone as the surface, haha, “epidermal layer”. Of course, it also generates an accurate visual texture, although to the touch moles or the like might still be noticeable.

Ahh, I see that the warehouse have delivered your Staticlip to the counter. Perhaps you might like to take along one of these other fine products?

Excellent, I’m sure you’ll be very happy with your purchases! And if not, please come right back here and speak to me personally. I will be very happy to assist you however I can.

:: Replay cessated.

:: ATTN Salespersons: Please note that all sales patter may be recorded for training purposes.
:: Copyright PolyC Conglomerate M.E.

2 Responses to “F3: The Future’s Bright – The Future’s Trivial”
  1. GLP says:

    You know, I think you have a big future in sales…

  2. Shaun CG says:

    GLP: sounds like a fate worse than death… ;)